People, I'm excited. We are about to experience something wonderful. Significant advances in individual liberties and freedom of expression as well as open-mindedness of the general population. And it's all thanks to, you guessed it....
Hands-free mobile phone users.
What?!? Those annoying cockwads?!?!!! I hear your say, with my bionic ears.
It's true. Those annoying cockwads are ushering is a new era. A dawning, if you will, of greater human understanding and tolerance.
The realisation came upon me when I was reading one-liner reader opinions in the disrespected publication MX and there was one as follows;
"It's getting more and more difficult to tell whether someone is having a mental breakdown or just talking on their hands-free phone."
First of all, since when was it a sign of mental illness that one conduct conversations with oneself in public hearing? Oh, right, since there was a implicit society-wide agreement that one-person conversations were taboo, and hence, anyone who holds aforementioned conversations must not be able to help themselves and are therefore, non-compus mentus.
Only it's even more sinister than that - the scope of this agreement has widened to include peoples houses. Even their minds.
How did such an absurd agreement come about? We may never know. As a result of my observations on the matter I suspect a variety of reasons... as follows...
-Because It makes people feel uncomfortable and insecure when people adjacent to them in public spaces talk in their general direction, but they aren't talking to them. Tends to make most people a bit "miffed."
-To more easily identify schizophrenia sufferers and other persons experiencing dangerous forms of psychosis. (Yeah, like the bloody axe isn't half a clue.)
-Due to general misunderstanding of the illusory nature of "self" and the subjective nature of "sanity", and hence not realising or fully appreciating that when someone is talking to themselves, even when that someone is "perfectly sane", there can often be an exchange. With value even.
Stupid people.
Despite the overwhelming presence of stupid people - the tables will turn. The streets, restaurants and cafes, the trains, trams and buses -the supermarket- will be filled with people talking to themselves, whether they are in possession of a hands-free phones or not.
I have seen a small glimpse of the future, which I'm delighted to share with you.
From modest beginnings, the tiny, hands-free phones will become so prolific that people will become used to talking in public spaces, using no apparent device, to people who aren'there. The most intolerant and jusgemental people won't notice when the next generation (Generation Scabby-Ears) begin to use that as a cover to have loud conversations with themselves on public transport.
Eventually, people will cotton on. Only, because Gen Y bred like rabbits in response that global economic crisis way back when (around about the time that all forms of currency were replaced with peanuts and mulitnational CEOs were replaced by ethically superior lemurs), Gen Scabb-E will have exceeded the voting power of all other living generations. Legislation regarding the inalienable right of people to have audible conversations with themselves in public.
The leap in productivity will be astounding. GDP rockets in the progressive countries who adopt this legislation (USA, Australia, New Zealand, UK, Spain and Svalbard), entire independent of that whole business of ripping the earth apart and killing people in Africa to get collective hands on rocks. People will be happier and more in tune with themselves.
.
There will be minor resistance from the "noise pollution movement" (mostly from crochety Gen-Xers) which will be violently put down and quietly fade into history. Especially since developments in hearing aid technology - instruments which better assist you in not hearing what other people are saying. There then will be even more minute resistance from the "natural sound movement" which will be put down even more violently. Because nobody likes hippies.
In the end, we will reach a point where entirely new social conventions wil develop....
"Hiya, how's it going!!!" "Oh, good, good." "No, not you man, I was talking to one of my more reticent selves - we haven't caught up in ages." "Oh, I'm sorry man. Please don't let me interrupt."
"I'm really interested in how the boys are going, but I'm dying to know whether the waitress Jenny's' selves have kissed and made up - I'll be with you in two shakes.."
*Hey that guy's the only person on this train to not having a conversation with himself or anyone else - what's he got to hide????"
A couple took a picture of their one year old baby in the car. The car stopped outside a cemetery of the 17th century. NO COMMENTS. 
