Now that I am in this exalted position, my duty is clear. I must educate those at a disadvantage not having the insider knowledge that I now possess. I could be selfish and keep it all for myself. But, nay, compassion has overtaken me.
This wisdom I bequeath to you....
Dodgy-looking alleys are where the awesome things are. Unlikely as it sounds, it is all about the alleys. You could wander the main streets of Melbourne for hours and hours and find nothing but office buildings and overpriced things. Yet, if you turn down a grimy-looking alley, you are guaranteed to find one of the best cafes / restaurants / pubs / bars / clubs / graffiti displays in Melbourne. Go figure.
Trains are better than trams. Trams are adorable and quaint in their way. The novelty associated with lurching action of the trams wears off remarkably quickly though. Also, they are slowww. Very, very slowwwwwwwwww. As in 'awmuhgawd am I dead yet' kinda slow. Lastly, crowded trains suck. But crowded trams suck worse. You have a chance on a crowded train of not being jammed in someone's armpit or having someone else stuck in your armpit. On a crowded tram, there is no such chance. (Having said that, please don't anyone else catch my train line during rush hour. It gets enough patronage, seriously.)
First is best, last comes second. No matter which line you're on, the best train carriage to get on at any time of day is the first one. 95% of the time, it's the least crowded. That fact fascinates me. This says to me that the people catching the train are hindered by one or more of three things. A) They are too stupid to realise that the first carriage is the best. B) They are too lazy to take advantage of this fact. ("Oh boo-hoo, I have to walk a whole 2 minutes extra now, and a whole 2 min once I reach my destination." Wimps.) Or C) they surpass even my amazing disorganisational skills such that they do not have the opportunity to reach the first carriage. In any case - all the more standing room/window-seat for me!!
Pushing is for adults. In the CBD especially, it is push or be pushed. Or, the more likely thing of push and be pushed. Spread the pushing around a little. Just don't be a dill and reflexively exclaim "Ooh, sorry!" each time people run into you through no apparent fault of your own. Because that would be rather silly of you. One might think of pushing other human beings around on the street somewhat inconsiderate, however, it is important to note that, there are a lot of people, and they have a strong tendency to get in the way. You will have a better chance of getting off at your train stop, getting to places on time, making it through the pedestrian crossing, and paradoxically enough, not running into people, if you do not shun the shove.
The MX is good value. The free newspaper churned out on a daily basis is very entertaining. It also even manages the occasional actual news item. Every now and again.
That's all for now, travellers and immigrators. My next post in the 'I know everything about Melbourne' series will include useful tips on living in an awesome and affordable 2-bedroom apartment with a walk-in wardrobe (including its own light, several shelves, mirror and vanity table) in a visually beautiful, conveniently located, artistically-inclined and well-provisioned suburb.
Well, probably not.
Damn if it's not ever so much to fun to talk about though.
2 comments:
well done in discovering all there is to know about this little country town!
BUT
you give your self away calling them 'alleys' when any melbournian will tell you they're 'laneways' or just 'lanes'.
Though honestly, i've always thought that alley is a better discription for something that has overflowing bins and graffitied walls. A lane seems like it should have a short stone wall running along it witha few butterflies on the breeze.
No way man. I know an alley when I see one.
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