What the what now

I'm inspired by this piece of randomness I came across when attempting to solve a cryptic crossword online today. Despite the *cough* creative structure of the article, I agree with the substance of what they're talking about. Swearing has gotten really, really boring. And that's sad, because the language that we use is undeniably linked to the way that we think. Some linguists argue that we don't actually experience cognitive thought processes until we develop sufficient skills to be able to think in words. I don't completely buy it, but this idea is backed up by concepts such as "if you can't explain it, you don't understand it."

Howsoever, delicious linguistic-related tangents aside, I need greater turnover in my stash of swear words! My vocabulary has reached a stunted period in its growth, and I refuse to be stunted in the language that I speak, think and write with.

So, here are the swear words that I am phasing out of my vocab. Sayonara, overused profanities.

1. Fuck, fucked and fucking. See the article linked for a good summary of the reasons for killing this verb set.
2. Fuckjob, fuckknuckle, fuckfeatures, fuckwit and fuckface. As for 'fuck.'
   
3. Shit, shitty, and shitfaced. As for 'fuck,' see linked article.
   
4. Bloody. I mourn the loss of this word as a regularly used profanity, as it forms such a large and significant part of my culture as an Oz-tralian. However, the violent literal meaning of the word encourages me to find alternatives.
5. Crap and crappy. The arguments against the shit-related trifecta hold for these two terms.
   
6. Good god, oh my god, devil, damn, jesus, jesus mary and joseph, geez*, christ, hell, heavens, mercy and zeus's butthole. Stricken due to overuse and religious associations. No longer will I allow my language to be thus corrupted by a mythology that I haven't adopted, despite societal influences from the religious and non-religious alike.
7. Ass, tightass and assface. I wish to make a clarification on this. I reserve the right to use the term ass as a positive description term of someone's rear. For example, "Phwoar, his ass is hot" or "The shape of my ass is positively delectable." However, the use of 'ass' as a profanity or insult, e.g. "The CEO of my private health insurer is a horse's ass," is no longer on. Butts are beautiful people.
8. Slut, bitch, whore, cunt, wench, tart, tramp, skank, slag. I feel confident that giving up these terms in my day-to-day language usage will not be a hardship.
   

So, similar to any "out with the old, in with the new" situation, and getting back to the central issue of more creativity in language, replacements swear terms as follows;

1. Screamful. Descriptive, emotive - it has it all.
2. Ferret features. Not original, but, fjord it, the term works as an insult. Which brings me to...
   
3. Fjord! Why the fjord did this term ever go out of style as a great-sounding utterance? And whatever happened to Pinky and The Brain? (Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!)
   
4. Republican. There are two reasons I want to get this word out in the profanity space. First the obvious, US Republican policies blow. Second, the systems of government that people often refer to as a democracy (e.g USA, Australia, England) are actually republics. Republican works as a profanity on so many levels. Oh, Republican.

That's all for the moment. Please add any contributions you may have in mind to my profane linguistic melting pot.


*Geez Louise may be a different story. I like the rhyming aspect of it, and its usage in this country is rare enough that I view its colour to be acceptable. The question is, is it a phrase that is divorced enough from xiananity, or is it really a thinly veiled attempt by god botherers to avoid the guilt of blasphemy? The jury's still out on that one.