Selection Hysteria

Apologies adoring fans, it's been awhile since my last post or checking of any blogs. I've got four half-written posts in the mix, at least a couple of which will probably be churned out precisely soonish. I keep getting distracted by the ongoing quest for cash. Recently that quest has taken the form of gritting my teeth and applying for jobs. Wholesale. I have several applications that I'm currently working on, three of which are due tomorrow that I should be trying to get finished and out of the way, but I've filled my quota of that today.

Whoever invented the concept of The Selection Criteria should be shot. Seriously.

Dear potential employers, if you want to know what I've done or what I can do: read my resume, you lazy bastards. If you're not convinced or you want to know about that which I haven't conveyed, pick up the the fucking phone and we can talk about it. Of course it's not eight hours a day of your time that's being wasted on this crap, so why would you go to the bother?

Fortunately for me, I have done enough of these crappy things now that I have a cache of ready made answers for run of the mill employer expectations.

For example...

Good written and verbal communication skills.
I can talk and write. Also, I've read a book.

Ability to organise and prioritise.
Where are my keys? Shoes...then pants.

Works well in a team.
I hate people. They can fuck off and die. There's no 'i' in team, but there is an 'i' in win.

Responds well to changes in the clients needs.
The client is always wrong.

Yep, I'm getting pretty good at this. I expect that I'll be gainfully employed again any day now.